Yesterday I re-acquired a book from a friend that had been out on loan for a few years called The Chap Manifesto. It's a very funny and witty book, with excerpts hard to come by (especially now that it's out of print). However! Below you will find two samples that I have nobly typed up for your delectation.
A quick note: CAD stands for "Confederacy of Anarcho-Dandyists". For more on this, see the comments section where I have posted the opening page of the book. (I hope readers of this blog check the comments section of my new posts regularly as I often leave complimentary details there.)
"Counter-Vulgarity is a quick-fix cure for those offenses against the soul that you are likely to witness on a daily basis. Less aggressive than Random Acts of Common Courtesy, these tactics help chumrades develop their own sense of political integrity through simple demonstrations of the civilised way of doing things. Here are the most common offences committed by the vulgaroisie, and their appropriate ripostes.
It seems to be a common practice nowadays for people to reach into their pocket or bag during a conversation and pull out their mobile phone. While half-listening to their interlocutor, this miscreant will read any text messages recently arrived on their network, sometimes even composing a reply. This is a piece of distinctly anti-Chappist rudeness, and we suggest the following riposte. In mid-conversation, reach into your jacket pocket and pull out a slim volume of poetry, carefully select a page, and proceed to read a verse or two in complete silence. Then gently place the book back into your pocket and turn to your companion with, "Excuse me. You were saying?" Further exasperate your companion by taking out a little notebook and composing a line or two of verse yourself, heightening the effect by gazing heavenwards and licking the end of your pencil."
Mobile Phone Amnesty
"As we draw towards the close of this manifesto, the CAD feels compelled to make some gesture of compassion and magnanimity towards those lost souls who find themselves trapped in lives weighed down by consumerism and vulgarity.
Our campaign to rid the streets and public places of that organ of disharmony, the mobile phone, is set to show great advances in the coming years, but now in a mood of conciliation and with a sincere desire to help mobophiles turn their backs on their sordid pasts, the CAD is pleased to announce a mobile phone amnesty. Members of the benighted hoi polloi are encouraged to surrender their ignoble instruments of shame, either by turning them in to the proper authorities or by posting them to the CAD HQ. All horns of misery received are melted down and cast into figurines of Barbey D'Aurevilly, proceeds from whose sales will be channeled back into Anarcho-Dandyist activism. But rest assured that out on the street the CAD will continue its campaign of random acts of common courtesy with renewed vigor, assuring that the powers of unseemliness and discord are crushed underfoot like so many gastropods beneath the mud-clogged boot of a particularly vindictive gardener."