Tuesday, August 12, 2008

The last flicker of heroism

Here are two excerpts from Lord Whimsy's wonderful and witty book, The Affected Provincial's Companion.

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chart nerval

"As is the case with all humans in our age, the PECULIAR (Fig. 6) -- the dandy, Affected Provincial, or artist-philosopher -- is born into captivity (a) and is soon indoctrinated into a regimen of received assumptions intended to enable it to endure a life of toil and docile servitude. For reasons known only to celestial potentates, the Peculiar soon reveals itself as it diverges course from the middling hordes (b) and thence embarks on a trajectory that over time removes it from the limited, default range of experience (see POSSIBILITY AXIS). It is not long after this that the Peculiar, induced by the reactions toward it by its native population, is made aware of its true nature, and thus a crisis point (c) soon manifests itself, forcing the Peculiar to permanently move to its next phase of development, its frame of reference never again able to fit back through the narrow aperture through which it emerges. Development after this crucial point is accelerated, the first step being a frantic, awkward period of exploration (d), internalization and generally reconciling itself to its new, infinite environs (e). After a period of time the Peculiar initiates a refining process (f) that allows the Peculiar to perceive connections and relationships that were not apparent during the previous developmental stages. The final stage of apotheosis is achieved (g) when the Peculiar, after much meditation, trials, and study, acts upon its knowledge and insight and charts a course into the unknown. A self-willed aristocrat of the soul brimming with a turbulent beauty, the newly reborn Peculiar may now assume a honorific title or name, some of which were once reserved for the languid, hemophiliac cadavers of Europe's royal courts, but are now employed as a hallmark of peculiarity."

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"...Accounts exist of high-ranking noblemen in fourteenth-century Europe being permitted to display their tackle below a short tunic; those noblemen who were not blessed with impressive lures had the option of donning a leather falsie called a braquette.

One can only imagine the seething envy those noblemen might have held toward the race of great sea-beasts known as the blue whale (Balaenoptera musculus), whose ithyphallic members grow an average of ten feet long and one foot in diameter! With this in mind, one wonders if the nineteenth-century whaling trade was caused in part by an uncontrolled jealousy veiled as peevish indignation on the part of mushroom-sporting puritan merchants who perhaps couldn't stand the sight of their wives' gazes turning longingly to the sea during uncomfortable pauses in conversation at the dinner table."

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Lord Whimsy: Mammal of Paradise

Short Audio Interview with Lord Whimsy

The Perils of Sportswear

The Chap


The Count!

And if you didn't laugh once at either of the excerpts, click here

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"Once, sissies were mistaken for gentlemen; alas, now gentlemen are mistaken for sissies." --Lord Whimsy

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